A look into the past with an eye on the present: the modern gent adopts ideals from both while abiding to a distinct gentlemanly sartorial code ( + a look to steal her heart with on a picnic date)
It used to be that a gentleman was introduced to a prospective love interest exclusively by means of his social circle with the initial courting process taking — by today's standards — an eternity. But alas times have changed, for the better and for the worse. Gone are the marriages of convenience (career moves/land-owning/etc), the quintessential mannerisms, and the steadfast dedication to chivalry in all pursuits of love (and life) that defined the classic gentleman. Out are the social class restrictions and the limited fields of suitors, with these antiquated ideals being replaced by a modern world that has a seemingly disconcerting symbiotic connection (being almost never disconnected) with one another, preoccupied in the pursuit of the mass consumption of everything, with attention spans often bested by flies and the fickle and fleeting appetites attached to them. The result is a modern courtship reality that has settled upon an often dishearteningly cold yet still enticing and increasingly optimistic sensibility.
Change: It is inevitable! And the most telling sign — in regards to gentlemanly courtship — of its progressive nature is that what used to be viewed as the courting season (there indeed was one; it ran from April till June) has contemporarily evolved into a frenzied year-round buffet of lustful conquest. But, with this welcomed progression also came the unwarranted modern practices of vulgarity (ie. texting pictures of genitalia) and ceaseless flirtation (even when one is already preoccupied with a date), two actions that would have been considered very unbecoming of the courting gentleman of yore (and should be even to those today!). Familiarities nor even simple introductions are no longer necessary, as online dating apps have conveniently allowed quick (physical) glances and subsequent judgements — a quick appraisal followed by a finger swipe left/right — to replace the classical courting practice (which itself was dated). Left standing in its stead is that unhealthy glow of our modern 5th limbs — our cellphones, computers, tablets —that blanket our existence, bestowing upon us the addicting practices of modern convenience: swiping left (no) or right (yes) for matches; in searching (googling) for any imaginable commonalities we may have; and in paying extortionate sums for membership fees in the hopes that one day a specialized dating algorithm can possibly find one love. It's all and good (in theory and comfort), but also very impersonal and extremely isolating; no longer does one even need to leave his domicile to look for love, let alone converse with a potential suitor.
Nonetheless, there are still those that get out to explore their options, and I applaud those gentlemen. But, they are few and far between and often haven’t a clue as to where to begin their pursuits.
Nonetheless, there are still those that get out to explore their options, and I applaud those gentlemen. But, they are few and far between and often haven’t a clue as to where to begin their pursuits.
But all is not lost, and the modern sense of chivalry is alive and well; it is something that I can personally vouch for not being dead — it is rather most often brushed to the side in order to make way for a more devolved form of action. An action in which the modern gentleman has been able to repel in order to retain his steely resolve through it all, not being effected by contemporary distractions, the glorification of self-interest, or the seemingly misfortunate loss of manners. While others have completely abandoned this moralistic code of respect and gallantry, he has adapted it to suit the times whilst being mindful of the consequences his actions and intentions impart upon himself and those he pursues.
So, what is it that the gentleman still adheres to, and what has he discarded in the courting process?
There are four truly indispensable tenets of gentile manner that will never go out of style with the first being the continued adherence to a certain sartorial expectation while pursuing a woman (and in general life itself). A gent knows that putting in a small amount of effort (despite lax modern dress codes) makes a significant difference, so he takes it a step further in always being fully prepared by taking the time to curate a specialized dating wardrobe — in illustrating to his date (through his attire) that he is serious and that he respects her as well as himself.
The second is that of being perpetually present. He always turns off/silences his phone (placing it out of sight) and does not fiddle or float off in dreaming, but instead gives his date his full undivided attention, proving that he sincerely wants to be with her and could not be bothered to be elsewhere or flirting with the cute waitress (and utterly disrespectful in the process). Nothing is worse then being with someone who repeatedly checks their phone or aimlessly lets their eyes wander —an individual who is lost within themselves and completely disinterested.
So, what is it that the gentleman still adheres to, and what has he discarded in the courting process?
There are four truly indispensable tenets of gentile manner that will never go out of style with the first being the continued adherence to a certain sartorial expectation while pursuing a woman (and in general life itself). A gent knows that putting in a small amount of effort (despite lax modern dress codes) makes a significant difference, so he takes it a step further in always being fully prepared by taking the time to curate a specialized dating wardrobe — in illustrating to his date (through his attire) that he is serious and that he respects her as well as himself.
The second is that of being perpetually present. He always turns off/silences his phone (placing it out of sight) and does not fiddle or float off in dreaming, but instead gives his date his full undivided attention, proving that he sincerely wants to be with her and could not be bothered to be elsewhere or flirting with the cute waitress (and utterly disrespectful in the process). Nothing is worse then being with someone who repeatedly checks their phone or aimlessly lets their eyes wander —an individual who is lost within themselves and completely disinterested.
Third is that of ladies first...but with certain caveats being observed. It's expected that he opens doors, offers to take her coat off, and walks on the outside of a sidewalk (keeping her out of danger), to name but three. But, what is not is in rushing to pull her chair back (she’ll be fine), in taking the liberty of ordering her food or drink without here consent, and in laying ones perfectly tailored jacket into a puddle for her to step on — in treating her like she is a fragile flower needing concierge service (she is not; most are strong and independent). The offering of such gentlemanly gestures is certainly welcomed, but are not modern necessities to be forced. As such, these particular actions should be relegated to the past.
And finally the last, which relates to the former, is that of respecting one anothers personal space -- in not pushing or pursuing too hard. If you are both hitting it off, advances on both sides will be made; there is no need to force ones hand with unwanted (or worse, vulgar) and uncomfortable attempts at asserting ones dominance or intent. It's called personal space for a reason, and a gentleman respects it!
Collectively, success awaits the gentleman who can retain a certain semblance of these four classic tenets of gentile manner while adapting to modern dating practices. Contemporary courtship is certainly no cake walk and is in a lot of ways more difficult to navigate then ever before, but it can be maneuvered around with a gentlemanly manner and a little bit of extra effort to match.
And finally the last, which relates to the former, is that of respecting one anothers personal space -- in not pushing or pursuing too hard. If you are both hitting it off, advances on both sides will be made; there is no need to force ones hand with unwanted (or worse, vulgar) and uncomfortable attempts at asserting ones dominance or intent. It's called personal space for a reason, and a gentleman respects it!
Collectively, success awaits the gentleman who can retain a certain semblance of these four classic tenets of gentile manner while adapting to modern dating practices. Contemporary courtship is certainly no cake walk and is in a lot of ways more difficult to navigate then ever before, but it can be maneuvered around with a gentlemanly manner and a little bit of extra effort to match.
MODERN DATING CONVENIENCE: Proceed with caution, tempered expectation, and an open mind!
(POF; Hinge; Tinder; match.com; Bumble)
(POF; Hinge; Tinder; match.com; Bumble)
Nevertheless, it can be said that the modern dating scene is one that on occasion can be quite overwhelming and certainly lacks a degree of dignity and class that seemingly has been lost to the annals of history. Ergo, the modern gent will acknowledge this and reinvest his efforts into applying the best practices of both worlds in the pursuit of fulfilling his carnal desires. And in that vein, he knows that presently, more then ever before, that being refined and well groomed in his appearance is of upmost significance. For you see, no longer are our matches preordained by ways of class, distinction, or means (which were always archaic ideals), but the alarming realization is that now men (and women alike) are either LIKED or tossed dispassionately aside on the simple merits of our physical aesthetics. This truism only further solidifies the importance of the curation of a uniquely gentlemanly image and style as being our primary (but not only) objective. So, on to the gentlemanly appearance...
It is (initially) the single most important tool in a gentleman's dating arsenal by virtue of it being the one single factor that we are in complete control of, holding all the power within our personal sartorial whims and selections. Yet it is also the one thing most men neglect. By taking care of our appearance we not only boost our prospects of finding love but also our sense of confidence and self-worth. I mention this because a gents personal style speaks strongly of his personality and his general outlook on life — it instantly defines him and crafts the lasting impression of who he is to whomever he is meeting for the first time. So, remember this: a reputation can be destroyed in mere seconds and may never again be built up. A gentleman acknowledges this, taking his time in making sure what he wears positively reflects upon who he is, what his intentions may be, and the respect he has not only for himself but for those he associates with.
The takeaway: Dress like a child and you will be welcomed and treated as such.
It is (initially) the single most important tool in a gentleman's dating arsenal by virtue of it being the one single factor that we are in complete control of, holding all the power within our personal sartorial whims and selections. Yet it is also the one thing most men neglect. By taking care of our appearance we not only boost our prospects of finding love but also our sense of confidence and self-worth. I mention this because a gents personal style speaks strongly of his personality and his general outlook on life — it instantly defines him and crafts the lasting impression of who he is to whomever he is meeting for the first time. So, remember this: a reputation can be destroyed in mere seconds and may never again be built up. A gentleman acknowledges this, taking his time in making sure what he wears positively reflects upon who he is, what his intentions may be, and the respect he has not only for himself but for those he associates with.
The takeaway: Dress like a child and you will be welcomed and treated as such.
And this is why a modern gent should properly learn how to harness his style in a way that will best accentuate what he has to offer — to wholly represent his entire personality and physical being. Why? Because although some may claim that looks don't matter (and it is true in a way), there is always that initial attraction — that small little spark that is triggered by a mutual desire for one another on a purely physical level — that occurs before one can even open his mouth; its in the body language or a flirtatious glance, and you instantly feel it. This is critical because if somebody does not even find another mildly attractive, then it's doesn't matter how great their personality is or how much money they make (unless she's/he's after just that...which in itself could have an entire piece written about it). Don't misconstrue the message though, because the best, longest lasting relationships are actually built upon compatibility, not looks. Yet, if someone is initially not even affected in the slightest way upon first setting their eyes upon another...it most likely won't happen (or will be a massive, trying, and arduous of a mountain to climb...which could be worth it, but not always received well)
Now, seeing as I’ll be the first to admit that I am (very) far from being a dating expert — I'm introverted, laid-back, and a general home-body (I don't drink or go to clubs or carousel local hotspots for susceptible women) — and not exactly what one would call a social butterfly, a Casanova, or a lothario, despite my choice of career and general presentation and presence. I like the proverbial me time: to educate myself, to refine my hobbies, and too reflect and act upon my life's goals and desires; I would rather listen to others then talk about myself, and that makes meeting new people difficult (despite the reality that most individuals enjoy incessantly talking about themselves). But, those are only minor personal speed bumps and I make up for these personal proclivities by focusing my effort on what it is I do excel at: in styling myself to exude ultimate confidence and personal comfort while being the often referenced wall that has ears (great listener) who is cultured and loves to share if you are genuinely interested, not merely feigning it. As such, I attempt to approach every new relationship, not with preordained expectations or an all conquering desire, but with a curious nature, not thinking about my success or failure, and in just enjoying meeting a fresh face and playing it by ear. I advise all gentlemen to do the same, to be upfront yet reserved and not expectant upon any specific desired result. Approach every scenario with style and curiosity and it will organically play out as it should, for better or worse.
Now, seeing as I’ll be the first to admit that I am (very) far from being a dating expert — I'm introverted, laid-back, and a general home-body (I don't drink or go to clubs or carousel local hotspots for susceptible women) — and not exactly what one would call a social butterfly, a Casanova, or a lothario, despite my choice of career and general presentation and presence. I like the proverbial me time: to educate myself, to refine my hobbies, and too reflect and act upon my life's goals and desires; I would rather listen to others then talk about myself, and that makes meeting new people difficult (despite the reality that most individuals enjoy incessantly talking about themselves). But, those are only minor personal speed bumps and I make up for these personal proclivities by focusing my effort on what it is I do excel at: in styling myself to exude ultimate confidence and personal comfort while being the often referenced wall that has ears (great listener) who is cultured and loves to share if you are genuinely interested, not merely feigning it. As such, I attempt to approach every new relationship, not with preordained expectations or an all conquering desire, but with a curious nature, not thinking about my success or failure, and in just enjoying meeting a fresh face and playing it by ear. I advise all gentlemen to do the same, to be upfront yet reserved and not expectant upon any specific desired result. Approach every scenario with style and curiosity and it will organically play out as it should, for better or worse.
SARTORIAL INSPIRATION + DAYTIME DATING IDEAS
So, what is the modern gent to do once his advances are reciprocated? What is he to wear? And finally, where does one take a date that can be individually unique yet still classically timeless? I'll first address the latter of the three by advising in undertaking in what is my favourite type of first date: the quintessential daytime date (and to be more specific, the picnic). Its quite unassuming and can be played by ear and once it is over there is no scrambling for excuses or preordained societal troupes to follow; it is simply just a quiet private (intimate) date that allows actual conversation to flow and the option of either a natural progression into the night (if both parties consent and want to continue) or for both to simply continue upon their days with nothing but sweet (or sour) afterthoughts. There are no "what do we do nows" or ackward silences in regards to how to proceed next (because you still have things to do that day and must be on your way). And that is why daytime dates are ideal.
Accordingly, I’ve chosen to highlight my favourite of daytime dating activities — the picnic date (and provide a style template for it) — by curating an unquestionable look for the modern gentleman that may possibly be able to steal her heart with nary but a gander.
So, heres to not botching the opportunity up (and looking the part helps ensure that is less likely to happen). And to paraphrase a popular rom-com, "If she has already said yes, stop worrying because she likes you — your only job now is to not screw it all up!"
So without further or due, here is what to wear on the quintessential picnic date once she finally says yes:
Accordingly, I’ve chosen to highlight my favourite of daytime dating activities — the picnic date (and provide a style template for it) — by curating an unquestionable look for the modern gentleman that may possibly be able to steal her heart with nary but a gander.
So, heres to not botching the opportunity up (and looking the part helps ensure that is less likely to happen). And to paraphrase a popular rom-com, "If she has already said yes, stop worrying because she likes you — your only job now is to not screw it all up!"
So without further or due, here is what to wear on the quintessential picnic date once she finally says yes:
THE LOOK: PICNIC DATE
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WEAR IT WELL: Picnics are activities built upon fun, spontaneity, and a causal atmosphere, so let the sporting of shorts speak to those sensibilities. Class the look up with a lightweight summer blazer with a timeless Breton-stiped short-sleeved henley underneath (which can carry the outfit without the blazer if need be) and show that you are indeed serious by completing the look with a pair of elegantly textured tasseled loafers. This outfit says you are ready for some fun AND that you are a modern gentleman who takes her, himself, and the date seriously.
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| RED LINEN BLAZER |
This lightweight and breezy summer blazer in a light reddish pastel (almost chambray) adds instant elegance to the whole look and tells your date that you care and that they are worth the extra effort. And the lightweight linen construction makes it the perfect layer to keep you cool by providing full coverage from the (hopefully) beating sun
| SHORT-SLEEVE HENLEY |
It’s often been referenced lately in the fashion world that women love men in henley’s (or grandad shirts for the other side of the pond). I'm hedging my bets on the reality that it’s because they help accentuate our shoulders and chest — whether we have them built up or not. And since its summer, opt for the short-sleeved version in the always classy and classic Breton stripe to add an extra punch of character, sheer comfort, and breathability.
| SHORTS |
Now, a gentleman is usually never spotted sporting shorts, aside from when undertaking in actual sporting activities. But if they are tailored, streamlined, and confidently worn, a cotton pair in polka dot indigo blue like these from Mango can bring a touch of class that most other shorts would not. They are the perfect accompaniment to both the short-sleeved nautical striped henley and the blazer. Nail the fit and length (aim for 7”), and shorts instantly become a wardrobe option for the modern gent
| TASSELED LOAFERS |
The old axiom goes that the first thing women notice on a gentleman is his shoes. So why not make a calculated and elegant statement with these beautiful — and I dare say — outfit defining textured loafers with a washed denim fabrication and leather tassels. They are beautiful and — surprisingly — play well in contrasting the dots on the shorts and stripes on the henley.
| ACCESSORIES |
Add your own personal touches with some woven brown bracelets, adding a linen pocket square (straight white or polka dot blue to compliment the shorts) and your watch of choice. Finish off the look with a pair of complimentary—and always appropriate — aviators like these from ALDO.
This lightweight and breezy summer blazer in a light reddish pastel (almost chambray) adds instant elegance to the whole look and tells your date that you care and that they are worth the extra effort. And the lightweight linen construction makes it the perfect layer to keep you cool by providing full coverage from the (hopefully) beating sun
| SHORT-SLEEVE HENLEY |
It’s often been referenced lately in the fashion world that women love men in henley’s (or grandad shirts for the other side of the pond). I'm hedging my bets on the reality that it’s because they help accentuate our shoulders and chest — whether we have them built up or not. And since its summer, opt for the short-sleeved version in the always classy and classic Breton stripe to add an extra punch of character, sheer comfort, and breathability.
| SHORTS |
Now, a gentleman is usually never spotted sporting shorts, aside from when undertaking in actual sporting activities. But if they are tailored, streamlined, and confidently worn, a cotton pair in polka dot indigo blue like these from Mango can bring a touch of class that most other shorts would not. They are the perfect accompaniment to both the short-sleeved nautical striped henley and the blazer. Nail the fit and length (aim for 7”), and shorts instantly become a wardrobe option for the modern gent
| TASSELED LOAFERS |
The old axiom goes that the first thing women notice on a gentleman is his shoes. So why not make a calculated and elegant statement with these beautiful — and I dare say — outfit defining textured loafers with a washed denim fabrication and leather tassels. They are beautiful and — surprisingly — play well in contrasting the dots on the shorts and stripes on the henley.
| ACCESSORIES |
Add your own personal touches with some woven brown bracelets, adding a linen pocket square (straight white or polka dot blue to compliment the shorts) and your watch of choice. Finish off the look with a pair of complimentary—and always appropriate — aviators like these from ALDO.
This look has a lot going on…and it all works in perfect unison. Stripes, polka dots, textured diagonals: they provide a style template that in theory is quite busy but in reality is toned down by its thematic nature —a variance of blue hues everywhere (aside from the blazer). Wear it to picnics in the park or to the beach (sans loafers + blazer) for a look that is sure to impress and to provide you with that added confidence boost that we all need going into a first date (or second, or third…).
…AND A LITTLE PICNIC TUNE
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Nothing in life is fully experienced without some sort of accompanying soundtrack, so here is a little classic tune from Edwin Collins. It is fun, seductive, and just a tad romantic. Let it set the mood for your picnic or otherwise chosen date.
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FINAL WORD: So, there you have it. A quick look into the modern gents dating practices and his classically adopted mannerisms alongside a comparative exploration of the courting practices of the past and present. And to top it off, a outfit to knock the socks (and maybe more) off of your date + a little the music to set the mood. And if you liked what you've seen/read, stay tuned for subsequent posts on personally curated wardrobes collections for special dating activities/milestones in the future....
THOUGHTS/OPINIONS/LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK:
What is your favourite first date activity? What do you commonly sport while dating (different scenarios and times of the day)? How do you feel about modern dating practices and the general style of men while on them? And, would you like general gentlemanly dating tips in future posts?
RELATED POST: The Modern Gentleman ~ A Manifesto
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